In the Rear View 2: Electric Boogaloo

Well hello!
I've been excited to come back and do the rest of that last post on the year in review and in pictures!
This week has been a little crazy (or a lot crazy) and lack of sleep has been the theme, but I'm more rested now and back from out of town and back from watching my friend have a baby a month early (which is part of the lack of sleep part) and so life is...more...normal?  At least for the purposes of having an evening to sift and tell stories.
Which is what I plan on doing. :D

When last we ...well, when last I was here typing... it was June, and my brother had gotten married and other neat things had occurred. It was hot. Very hot.  Summer in IL is gross and hot and sticky.  Not much of a news flash, obviously. So let's jump into July and see what happens...

July:

Kicked July off with a girl's night out to see Maroon 5 at Ravinia. It was insanely hot that week and we all thought it might be absolutely deadly out on the lawn, but when we got there, it had cooled down to an optimum temperature. There was wine, there was girl talk, there was Maroon 5. Maroon 5 is amazing in person, and we had a wonderful time picnicking on the lawn and listening to the music.  Great way to start a month, I tell ya.

This was the scene from the 4th of July in Round Lake. Spent that with Patty and Cherie and Aedan and Summer and Michael and...well you get the idea. :)  It was nice to be back in Round Lake with friends from there.  The friends I made at high school that followed me into the post-high school bonfires are ones I really couldn't imagine life without, even when things aren't good.  It's nice to get that back now and again.

Somewhere in the early to middleish part of July we had a huge, horrible windstorm. Lasted about 10 to 20 minutes, but knocked out power for a full week for most towns in the area, including parts of Libertyville. I was home from my temp job at Mercer that day sick, and I woke up to a frantic cat and that train sound...so I really thought it was a tornado. Scary!

I also took a trip out to the city again. Had a fun time spending the day there with Erika and Stephen. We ran into an art fair and had dinner and caught a really fun improv show at the IO theater.  I cannot stress enough how much I love having THIS city so close by.  We had a great time.

August:

August turned out to be a pretty amazing month.  Started the month out getting a lot of time with someone I very much wanted a lot of time with.  I took a little mini vacation to the Ohare region...which doesn't sound fantastic, but it was.  Between the quality time, the nice hotel, banana splits in the park,  the trip to Wicker Park to wander around an AMAZING bookstore I discovered with someone who would appreciate it just as much as I did...and a particularly nice dinner out...so much fun. It doesn't always matter where you are so much as the company.

I had a *real* vacation planned anyway to take place later that month.  My wonderful friend Kija was getting married in Colorado Springs, and somewhere in there I was lucky enough to convince my awesome friend Lewis, who was biking all over the US, to meet me there and be my date to the wedding.  I got to explore Boulder all day by myself, including a visit to Centro Latin American Kitchen, where I had probably the best meal I've had in my life, visit with my sister and the lil' baby nephew, get some great time together with one of my best friends from New Mexico (including a lot of hiking and picture taking) and see another awesome NM friend marry her best friend.  I count that a success. I had such an amazing time in Colorado. I love it out there.  But you've heard that, and I've posted a million pictures from that trip.  So...yeah.

Last day of that trip I finally got to go to Seven Falls.  It's got a ridiculous number of steps to conquer. Very, very steep steps. With nothing on either side. And while I'm *better* about not freaking out about heights, the major amount of stairs, the way they moved, and the amount of effort it takes were pretty immense.  It was amazing and I'm glad I did it, but holy crap, it's quite the workout and quite the test to your handling of your irrational fears. :D

There's way more than 224 steps by the way, this is just one of the signs...

It was good to get back down...but a little sad to go back to IL.  My heart's just out West. But we knew that already.


September:

A little ren faire with one of my oldest friends...and ren hair...

Good times. Which kept rolling when I got to host my friend Jacquie here at my house. She was in from Texas to see her husband, who was training to be a SEAL at Great Lakes. 

 We did some botanic garden wandering, a lot of laughing and talking til late at night, and some catching up with a bunch of friends back at Olando's.

And some playing in the water. It was pretty amazing.  Jacquie and I have lots in common and I was really glad to have her here. I feel like I got to know her better and now have an even closer friendship with her, and that makes me glad. :)

It was also time for homecoming. :)  The 10 year reunion was in September. I was realllly wishy washy on if I even wanted to go. The mixer at the Vine was fun, the game was alright.   I think the mixer seemed more friendly, and the game kinda seemed..meh.  So, instead of going to the second event after the game, Cherie and I took her son to Chicago for the first time. Which.was.awesome.

I take a lot of city trips, obviously, but this was different. Aside from not being alone, it was really cool to see the city through the eyes of a little kid.  He loved to run up and interact with the sculptures and was afraid of the Art Institute lions, but it was a day of firsts for him, right down to the train ride. Meanwhile we got to catch up, enjoy a beautiful day in the park and a nice dinner, and generally just stretch our legs.   Pretty awesome.

October:

October was a pretty outdoorsy month for me. I took a LOT of long bike rides.  I was also randomly let go from my contract at Mercer for no apparent reason.  Just ended the contract unexpectedly.  That was pretty rough, and I think my way of coping was to get out on the trails.  All in all, not a bad way to handle it.

To be fair, it was a pretty gorgeous October. :)

November:

And here's me on a normal day where I went ahead and did something I was afraid of doing. Sitting on my favorite rock on Lake Michigan taking pictures isn't that thing, but auditioning to be an on air radio host is.  Like I said way back in the beginning of this whole rear view retrospect thing...this year was about challenging myself. And while obviously, I'm not an on air radio host...I'm proud of myself for trying. And you know what? I didn't miss out on that job because I wasn't good at it.  I know that for sure, and I never would have if I didn't try.  So, scary or not scary, it was worth it.

Honestly, November was pretty awesome this year.  I had already arranged to spend an extra day downstate over Thanksgiving because my birthday was the day before it this year.  I took the Amtrak down early and played around in Springfield some. :)  I found a neat little cafe for lunch, ordered food to the room, went swimming no less than 4 times in 24 hours, and really enjoyed the alone time.   I had a party too, the weekend before which was also awesome (but i can't find the pictures from it...weird..) but it was all really nice.
Plus, it led into Thanksgiving down at my aunt's. She just got a new place so it was fun to see what that was like and still have the big traditional trip and feast.  

December:
This December was more or less all a big buildup to the holidays.  We didn't get our snow, sadly, but I can say we had a pretty wonderful Christmas, and one I was really looking forward to.
I did get a really neat opportunity too, though. :)
One of my friends invited me to a Christmas cocktail party at a local mansion!  It was really exciting and again, something I wasn't entirely comfortable with right off the bat (because it was all formal and because I'm a bit of an introvert, and because I wouldn't know a lot of people) but I went and it.was.amazing.  The mansion was decorated with all kinds of sparkling lights, it was amazing to get dressed up and we felt like royalty all night long.

Apparently iphoto has done away with the photos from that night that weren't in the original post, but that wasn't that long ago, so take a look back if you want to know more.  It's a beautiful place, and I was really glad to go.

Christmas though? Even more awesome.  We were hosting Christmas this year, and we had EVERYONE here.  Not everyone literalaly, but my sister and her husband, plus my amazing and adorable nephew, my brother and his wife, my uncle, my aunt, my cousin and his wife and their two kids, and my friend Sarah.   It was a bit crazy with all those people, but we had a great time. Everyone got to stay for a while too.  We had a crazy time playing apples to apples, watching Collin try to walk, and just sitting and talking. Great food, lots of activity, and just...a great time.  

Family and friends really do make all the difference.   That's pretty much what I've learned the entire time I've been doing this retrospective.  This year was certainly not the best, and there's a lot of lowlights that you obviously don't get to read on here...but you know what? The people you love?  Kinda make that go away. So I hope this year is filled with people you love to help you through the hard times and make new good times.

In the Rear View...

So hello, and happy January!
Or at least...hello.
I know January isn't always the most pleasant month, full of financial woes and leftover worries and regrets.

I was searching my photo library for something to help my mom out, and I thought, in perusing last year visually, I might do a little 2011 wrap up and see what came of it.  So buckle in, and I'll take you through my year, visually.  Hopefully it'll be good fun. :)

January 2011: I'd just been laid off from a seasonal job, and found myself unemployed yet again. I will say Illinois has been nothing but a cycle of temp jobs thus far, and that's made it hard to feel like it was a good decision in the first place.  Things were difficult, but I was trying to look at things that got in my way differently, which is, in fact, what this picture was about.  There's a gorgeous bike path behind my house that winds through forest and river and prairie...and I used to get so mad at the power lines being there.  But they're there...and in a glimmer of what was to come for the year, I decided I'd try to see if I could maybe pull something good out of even that.  It was my first goal.

I think when things get hard, it's really important to remember what you do have.  This time last year, I was celebrating my dear Erika's birthday with a bunch of her friends and family who have become friends of mine as well. I love going out to Freeport to visit them, and I'm glad we do it.  I'm really grateful for the friends I've found and the friends I've had for years, and getting to spend time with them.

February: 

So February...Patty's birthday to be specific...started with...well...this.  If it looks all post-apocalyptic, that's because it kind of was. I have never seen a snowstorm with that kind of intensity. It was amazing, though it was the first time I was ever frightened during a snowstorm (the roof seemed like it would blow off) and the first time I've been snowed inside a house and had to dive in a literal six foot deep snowbank and wade through waist high snow to the front door to unbury *THAT*.  23 inches of snow those 2 days, drifts up to 8 feet tall.  The whole county (several, actually) was declared a disaster area, and it was illegal to drive on the roads for 2 days to allow for plows and emergency vehicles.   If it sounds awful...it wasn't.  I love to see nature at its most powerful, and this was definitely that.

Looking back, it was a month for friends too, and I'm glad. We had a "reunion dinner party" of sorts with my core group of high school friends, I got to spend some one on one time with my friend Ben, who's a lot like a brother to me, and who is now living really, really far away, and got to go enjoy antique hunting and photography with one of my newer friends, Erin.  I couldn't remember, looking through the photos, what I did for Valentine's Day.  And I think that's ok, because you know what? I had a lot of love around me.

March:

A little of what comes naturally....

A good dose of nature...I did a lot of little photography excursions this March...

And some unnatural...I got greened by Duco from 95 WIIL Rock on St Patrick's Day. I also got an Irish Car Bomb served to me at 7 in the morning, met a few new friends and socialized with them over some Finn's brews, and sang a drinking song ON THE AIR.  We won sweatshirts and it was really a fun experience, borne of trying something new and actually trying to get outside my comfort zone as far as meeting new people. :) 

April:

April started off with a lot of moving and shaking.  I took a road trip with my lovely friend Sarah to CO where she was going to be spending time with her husband, who was stationed out there, and I was going to spend time with my sister and my adorable (genius!) nephew.  I'd also received word that I'd gotten a job, which was set to start shortly after I returned from my trip. Things were starting to look up.  The trip was amazing, and a really good chance to bond with Sarah. I feel like since we did that we've been a lot closer and I'm glad for it.

Here's my little buddy, Collin. :)  He's a sweetheart, and being an aunt has been amazing so far. I didn't realize how different it would be than having a close friend with a baby, but it really is. Watching him grow and learn and change has been wonderful.

Seeing my sister as a mom has been really cool, too.  The trip was a perfect mix of family, friends, and  the mountains and it definitely had me in a great mood to start a new job.

May:

In May, we had a bridal shower for Diana, my newest family member.  She's now officially my sister-in-law, and I know she's a perfect match for my brother.  She's also an awesome person to hang out, drink wine, and chat with.  I think we'd have seriously rioted if my brother didn't figure out she was the one. :)

I got to hang out with some friends I don't see as often as I'd like, too. :)  Like Cherie and her son. :)

 Spring had finally sprung and I was out on my bike again, which always feels great.

June:

 June...well, June was interesting for a lot of reasons.  And I took a trip back to the city to kick it off.  It was technically Memorial Day, which is in May, but we'll count it, cuz it felt like June.  This Memorial Day I decided that instead of my traditional picnic, I'd go do something just for me.  And a visit to my favorite city sounded like exactly the right thing to do.

 It was so hot that day. 94 I think? We had quite the summer this year.  Erin hung around and took photos and explored pubs with me til she had to get back to some family celebrations. When she left, I decided I wasn't going to.  I was having a wonderful day and decided to just do my own thing, and I'm glad I did.

I was sipping a Horny Goat (!!) at the Billy Goat Tavern on Navy Pier watching someone climb the crow's nest on a tall ship and thinking how much fun it would be to be on board.  And...instead of just sitting there and thinking about it...I did it!  And this...was exactly the kind of amazing that turned out to be. I know it seems silly, but it's something I wouldn't have done on my own before. And yes, it would have been great to share it with someone else, but at the same time? I got to sip cocktails, set sail, and explore freely.  And I wouldn't take back anything about that day.  As much as I love New Mexico, as much as I love sharing things with friends and family...this was a pretty perfect day....

And, so was this.  June was the month my little brother became someone's husband.  And like I said before...I can't argue with his choice one bit.  They're great together, and I love to see both of them. I've always been close to my brother, and Shan and I definitely couldn't keep our tear ducts in order meeting him at the end of the aisle as Di's bridesmaids,  but it was a great time.  We got to hang out with family, had crazy adventures on the party bus, and share a new adventure.   Definitely a fantastic event.

Well, this wraps up the first half of the year, and I've decided to split it into two posts, because really...I can't contain 1 year in 1 post, can I?
I thought I might be able to, and I thought my year was kinda blah, til I started telling stories and looking at the pictures.
But with the right people in your life, even a year of struggles with unemployment, pain, and loss can seem pretty amazing in retrospect.
More retrospect to come tomorrow.

Kindred Spirits

“Our lives at times seem a study in contrast... love & hate, birth & death, right & wrong... everything seen in absolutes of black & white. Too often we are not aware that it is the shades of grey that add depth & meaning to the starkness of those extremes.”
-Ansel Adams (whose photos these are)


There's so much I could say about today, but what sums it up for me is that I really feel like I visited with a kindred spirit more than just a source of inspiration when I went out to the museum to see Ansel Adams' works today.  I've always felt inspired by his images, well before photography became something I absolutely loved doing. 


In my somewhat limited exploration of America and its national parks, I've so often found myself standing there alone, trying to process it all.  Standing up in the mountains looking down over Colorado Springs or watching a storm roll in across the Rio Grande at sunset in Los Alamos at the overlook, or being  in the middle of an expanse of prairie grasses and forest in the fall when the entire world takes on the look of a stained glass cathedral.  Those things, to me, are the only true meaning of awesome.   And as someone interested in photography, I've always wanted to be able to somehow capture that, bring it back and share it. I feel like you're really letting people in to who you are when you can show them the things that take your breath away.  There's a certain intimacy to that, and I think that's something Adams did in a way that few others have.
 
"Some photographers take reality... and impose the domination of their own thought and spirit. Others come before reality more tenderly and a photograph to them is an instrument of love and revelation. "
Ansel Adams 



His photos have made me want to stand where he stood and remember all the amazing places I'd been, alone or with people.  It makes me remember how it feels and smells in the desert after it rains, or when the sun would spill up over the mountains each morning on my break from bread baking.   It reminds me of the Quebradas, so close to my home in Socorro at the time,  but it took someone visiting from IL for me to make the trek.  And I got to have that first person moment where you're standing in the desert in a windswept canyon wanting to climb until you can't climb any longer.  Where you feel small in the best way, turning a corner and being face to face with ancient stone and sun, and being able to have that moment with someone you care very much for.  Knowing they're feeling that same amazing sense of awe.


His photos make me want to keep having those adventures, keep sharing those moments. Keep writing, keep climbing...


“No matter how sophisticated you may be, a large granite mountain cannot be denied - it speaks in silence to the very core of your being”

And the more I dug into his words and thought about the things that I've felt, the more personal it became to me, and I found myself being even more glad that I wasn't there alone.  I think we all really want is to share the things we love with the people we love.  And today walking around that place, I kept finding out more about the man AND his work, the more I related.  And the more I fell in love with the detail and depth and the clarity of the work I'd never seen that clearly before, the happier I was that I could share that feeling all over again.

“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.”

Words have been unclear lately...and in absence of any more words to really say how I felt about sharing this experience with someone close to me and digging deeper afterwards, I'm just going to leave it to silence.

All I can say...

Christmas is over, and while there's a lot I want to say about it, and even more pictures, and while I'm definitely trying to kick things off here again...
I'm completely without words today.
And most of yesterday.

Sometimes all you can do is stand in the silence and hope what you're not saying is getting through somehow. 
Sometimes all you can wish is that someone will know that you might be standing still and silent but you're holding back every impulse to run straight to them, because you know that's not always what's right in the moment.  But you're still there, and there's nowhere else you'd go, even if it feels really confusing.
And that's all I can say.

Night at the Mansion

Yesterday afternoon, I was in the midst of a pile of clean laundry, old papers and things that needed to be tossed out.  Not terribly glamorous, with my hair piled up in a messy bun, no makeup and yoga pants.  It was around this time I got a phone call with an invitation to go to the Cuneo Mansion for a cocktail party that evening. I knew about the party beforehand but had to be added to the list and hadn't heard about it, and had therefore figured that while it sounded fun, it wasn't meant to be.  The call came 2 hours before the party was going to start, roughly. I was on the list!

It was exciting at the same time it was a bit alarming (something I've been experiencing far too often lately, I might add).  Any female reading this knows why this  kind of news could fling a messy-haired hausfrau into a bit of a panic.  What was I going to WEAR? How was the hair going to go? Can I actually put all of this together in 2 hours? I ran to the closet and did some serious closet shopping while on the phone confirming I'd be there at the same time my head was going "You are not nearly fancy enough for this kind of event." Kind of a blur. I doubted whether I should go or not a few times, but at 6:30 sharp my glittery heels and little black dress were setting foot on the mansion grounds, trekking over to the main building.

 This is the terrace and reception area that we came in to. Pardon the grainy nature of some of these pictures, I was carrying a teeny tiny clutch and therefore could not put my big ol' camera in that bag.  I wasn't sure if it was the kind of event that'd appreciate big ol' cameras in the first place, so this is all brought to you by the iPhone.

 This was the main room for the event, which was sponsored by Yelp. Everyone was dressed impeccably and almost all the ladies were in black, so I felt like I did well there. (I'd go on to get lots of compliments on choice of dress and sparkly shoes, which were nice!) There were lots of high end party vendors, and when we first walked in we got pulled in to do a blind 12 yr. Scotch taste test, wherein I discovered I cannot tolerate Johnny Walker Black. There were high end cupcakes, appetizers, plenty of bartenders and a wine tasting that we took part in with Lulu wine.  This ballroom itself was awesome, with amazing tall centerpieces, a beautiful dance floor and amazing chandeliers.

 You know, like that. I can't help it if I'm a magpie.  These were just gorgeous.  There was a raffle for a big New Year's Eve event at the Hotel Inter-Continental downtown which sadly, I did not win.  They made a few announcements and gave some background on the property, which apparently was donated to Loyola University a year ago, and then?  They told us to go explore the mansion!  I was excited about this part just in general because the peek I'd taken earlier had promised good things to come.  We sat and finished our wine and talked a little and then headed out to explore.

 The mansion is full of big stone archways and amazing Italian Renaissance style decor.  The lighting is amazing, and it was decked out for Christmas with garland and white lights.

They had a DJ in the main atrium and a palm reader in the Ships room, which smelled like antique books. It had a concealed telephone booth and bathroom and was just full of dark wood, actually taken from ships.

 

I always love giant libraries, and the wood detail in this one and all the old books from floor to ceiling made me want to cozy up and stay.  But there was more mansion to explore, of course...

 It's honestly amazing, and the pictures, especially phone pictures, don't really do it justice. It felt surreal to be all dressed up and have the run of a beautiful mansion like this one.

We got to explore all the bedrooms which were full of beautiful gowns and bedclothes, fainting couches and ornate hairbrushes.

Naturally this got us in the mood for a few glamour shots ourselves, so we indulged.

Here's me and Juli, who got me the invite...

And here's our equally glamorous elite, who was the one who had the invites to put both of us on the list.

The whole night was pretty incredible, I must say. It just felt like you were in a movie. It's not all that often you get to shine up your best sparkly shoes, put on your little black dress and attend a holiday cocktail party at a beautiful mansion.  The whole night seemed magical.  Great conversations in the candlelight glow of an old stone mansion.  It's something I certainly couldn't picture I'd get the chance to do...and something I'm so glad I did. 

This year for me has been for getting out of what's comfortable and trying new things.  And I was *so* nervous before this party...what if I did or said something wrong, wasn't dressed nicely enough, was too dressed up...

And in the end, I got to be *here*. I met someone new, laughed, drank wine, told stories, and explored, and every moment was more than worth it. I guess that's just another Wednesday at the mansion, eh? ;)

The First Snow

(Parenthetical Opening Statement: Kick my butt for not just posting when I have the desire to write. Because...someone needs to.  If only me when I read this)

So here I am in Illinois. Another year older, and sometimes when I look at things, it seems that nothing's really turned out. For all I thought it would get me to be here, it's the holiday season and I am yet again looking for work. It's a rough time of year for a lot of people, and at the same time we all want to feel warm and cozy and loved.  I was curled up on the couch last night watching a Muppet special BEGGING for it to snow and attempting not to tear up when the little girl in the special just wanted the people she loved to be with her for Christmas.  Some of the people I love are here, but some....I would give anything to have them around to spend the holidays with.  People who can change my entire day with a few words, and who turn my world upside down in good ways when they're around.


There's something about the first snow.  The way the air smells...the different sort of chill in the air...
I look forward to it so much.  I thought I smelled it in the air early this morning on my walk to a friend's house.

I watched the clouds gather some this afternoon while I was eating dinner with a friend and kept hoping.  It's December 1st, and in my book, it's past due.  My heart is in the desert, of course, but the Midwesterner in me demands that if we have to endure the harsh winters and negative temperatures, we should at least get consistent blankets of snow.  It just changes things.  Where I live it gives all the old buildings the look of Christmas villages, and the forests that insane pristine white sparkle. 

I had a dress rehearsal tonight for our holiday concert with the Wind Ensemble, and now, post-Thanksgiving, I was ready for full on Christmas.  Dress rehearsals are always hard work, always longer hours, but fun. They're also usually right in the midst of a storm.  I don't know why, but it's happened for years now. For 2 hours I played things like Sleigh Ride, Greensleeves, and the like and hoped soon it would look a bit like things were sounding.

And when I stepped outside? It did.  I know it doesn't make all that much sense, but it really felt like a gift to me. My mood always improves when I'm playing music, so I had a good start, but getting outside and being greeted by a good steady-falling snow?   It transformed my mood.  The real deal. Snow on my eyelashes, my hair, on my coat...suddenly everything just felt better. I felt like a kid, and nothing else mattered. Not plowing, not the roads on the way home, not anything.  Just the feeling of witnessing the first snow.  A few of the ensemble members actually cheered, and I joined in. There's something that feels almost sacred about it, maybe just the arrival of a new season, maybe the way the world seems a bit quieter when the snow starts falling.

But in a month when a lot of things can get you down...distance, money, loss...
It's the little things that aren't so little anymore.

My "dad" told me that tonight.  That even if it doesn't make sense, and even if it seems silly...the people that love you, if they had the power, would make it snow just for you, just to see you smile.
And no matter what you believe or who you are...
I hope one of these nights you feel like it's snowing just because you hoped it would. And when it happens, I hope you feel a little loved, whether it's silly or not.