Slow it down...

I want to slow life down for a while.
Enjoy...this sort of thing, the way that I've been enjoying seeing the stars from the third floor window of my bedroom and smelling the fresh air while I go to sleep, and the way I've been imagining going camping this fall and waking up outside. I love that feeling.

Anyway..today I slowed it down some to enjoy the gorgeous that is Fall.
I'll share.
Not too many words to say today, I'll let this do the talking.

triumphant return and ode to a coffee cup?

So it's been forever, and for that I'm sad. I had every intention of making this long term and daily but somewhere in the midst of the summer I got lost in other things. I've moved to a different place now, and as I was unpacking some things, I came across this.

One thing I love about us and our nature as just...people is that there's such little things that can hold such great meaning. And this yellow striped mug that I got for ...oh geez, 2.50 at a Smith's grocery store in Socorro, NM? This means far more than the price would ever indicate.

It was a different move. I was staying with a man I was best friends with and loved dearly. Love dearly, there's really no past tense there. Anyway, I had moved from Northern New Mexico all of a sudden because things had gone really badly for me up there rather suddenly. He was amazing enough to let me in his home. I was relieved to be out of my bad situation and immensely, ridiculously excited to be able to spend the time with him. I mean, imagine waking up every morning and knowing someone who you shared your deepest secrets with, who you loved in ways you didn't know you could love, and who was just in general the person you wanted to get pizza and a beer with if you could call anyone, and there they were going to be, same house.
Not to mention, I'd been absolutely isolated in my N NM home for the past few months. Unemployed, and because it was a small town where I didn't know anyone, the only conversations I ever had with people in person were with my furball cat.

I was nervous because as you always fear in new situations, you wonder if they'll grow to hate you when you are there all the time, if you'll lose the good things you have. This fear...it is always amplified with me. I didn't know how long I'd be there but I had butterflies that were reflecting my excitement and fear at the same time. That will absolutely churn your stomach.

It was still cool in the evenings at that point. I'd gotten stuff settled, at least partially, and we were setting up at the kitchen table to watch movies. I was thrilled to not be alone anymore.
We realized there was no popcorn. I believe we were contemplating tea or hot chocolate, though I'm not sure which anymore. Anyway, for whatever reason, I was the one who went out to the store to get it for us that night. I didn't have much money at all, but I know I had some.

I got us the popcorn and when I was there, I saw these mugs. 2 for 5. The yellow stripe seemed to kind of match other things he had in his kitchen, or at least it didn't clash. I grabbed them right away and I remember standing in the checkout line, being excited as hell that I was going home to someone. Someone I loved and wanted to have a million more movie nights with, someone with whom this whole new thing was starting.

I knew I didn't have much to offer him, with my job situation and the fact that I'd suddenly had to take refuge with him, but that night? That 5 dollars I spent? To me, it meant so many things.
It was a his and hers. It was something I could do for him, and maybe it was tiny and small and he wouldn't know exactly how much love and care went into the purchase, even to just slightly match his house. But for me, it was this message that was telling him..."I love you, I want to give back to you. I want to share things with you."

And maybe? Maybe that's too big a message for a grocery store mug set.
But I know for me, when I unpacked that set of mugs...well, at first it made me sad. It made me remember just exactly how much of my heart (all of it) was in that relationship, how amazing it *did* feel to wake up every morning, even when things started to be less idyllic. I knew, even when we were mad at each other, even when the relationship seemed a distant memory...that he was there. That I was there. That we could count on each other for ER emergencies, "I ran out of xyz" emergencies, for times we both felt the weight of the world or the sorrow of family problems...or just simply that we were there for the fun things. Sundays for football and pool games. Thursday for the pool tourney. Canyon trips and camping.

There's some things that are too good to ever get rid of or to give away. These mugs? I'd never put a price on them. They don't match my room or the new kitchen. They're not expensive or showy. But they remind me of the best thing I ever could do in life, to love with my whole heart, to try to give someone every part of me. And even if that didn't work out the way I thought it would, it was worth it. He was worth it. I was worth it. And we are still.

So, here I am, back again. Wanting to share my heart, my life and my stories through the things I love. And though it seems small, to me it's huge, and that's what makes life unique and beautiful.
I hope you'll stick around, I plan on doing this right. Doing it for me, and for anyone else who wants to share it.
There's a 30 day project I think could be paired with this blog and the picture a day thing and I do believe I'll start that soon, and here.

With Love,
M

Today

Here's a little ...big insight into me.

We'll call this my two dads.
The second photo...that's my family by blood. That's the man whose name and DNA and weirdly, whose personality, interests and passions I share. He loved the mountains, he loved writing and was good at it, and the list goes on. This here would be one of the only family photographs before this man got taken away from me, way, way too soon. He's someone I'd like to have known more, liked to have stood with, sat with, cried with, laughed with....seen every mountain he ever loved.

The man I'm with present day? He's the guy who not so randomly walked into that role. Him, I've done all of those things with. He's a musician like me, he values silliness and seriousness like I do...he's showed up on an ambulance after a car accident I was in and he's likewise watched Monty Python on his computer with me on his lunch break and my mid-class break when I was going to school.
He's the one who makes it a lot easier on days like Father's Day.

It's never gonna not be hard to know that I didn't get to know, but at the same time...I think I got blessed with someone I can call dad and who considers me daughter right back that's pretty amazing.
And that's all I have to say about that.

Immense.

Ok, I freely admit I have a major lust for big thunderstorms. And I got every bit of enjoyment out of this one that I could. These, I should say. There was a *huge* HUGE line of storms that came through here today. Spanning several counties, a big end parentheses line of bright crimson-intensity storms.

It was amazing. The wind was "hurricane force", reaching up to 88 mph as reported by WGN. The big trees in the park next to us were bowing down to the sheer power of the wind. The lightning was AMAZING, bright purples and blues. We actually saw a strike, as it turns out. When it hit the house (just a short walk from here-not even a block away), the bolt turned flat out pink. We lost power for about an hour and the neighbors had been crowded under our carport.

When I went to pick up my mom, downed trees and emergency vehicles were out in force.

It went away for a while, cleared up and seemed to be the end. But somewhere around 9, the air got that charge again. The smaller end parentheses shaped line of storms that I'd seen on the radar was headed our way. I fully admit my glee here, though the strike so close to home had been scary. More lightning than rain this time. I decided, after talking to someone who fully understands my love of storms, to take my camera out. My feeble point and shoot. And I pointed and shot. And got incredibly soaked in the rain. 177 photos later, I got *close*. I got the wisp of the incredibly bright bolt that backlit the tree out front of the apartment.

This is another reason I love thunderstorms. While I would have loved an even more clear picture of the amazing things I was seeing...it's wild. It's unchained. It's power beyond what you can even imagine. In the blink of an eye. And it's scary, but it's this amazing current of energy. I swear you can smell the electricity in the air when a storm like that is brewing. It's immense. It can obliterate entire towns and do it in seconds, and then clear to a beautiful rainbow a few seconds later. There is NOTHING like that.

It's the same as my obsession with mountains. I love these beautiful, immense things that make the world so incredible. I love the feeling of being swept up in the storms and just captured by it all. It gets in every part of you. Soaking rain, the way the lightning illuminates everything for a split second and vanishes..the way the thunder reverberates in everything around you...the wind taking your breath away... it's amazing. It's totally. perfect.

And if you don't *see* that when you look at something like that, I feel sorry for you.

i'll be brief

This is one heck of a weird looking hospital. I spent wayyyy too much time there for one little pre-employment drug screen. I loathe what Benadryl will do to you. Which is mostly dehydrate you to all hell, causing you to be forcefed large quantities of water and imprisoned in a waiting room.
Also, this hospital happens to look a lot like a creepy old fashioned hotel on the inside. I know it's sposed to be all opulent and "rich people approved" but it's really just creepier. Like hiding that it's a hospital with fancy things will make you forget you're sitting in a waiting room somehow.

No Words...

I guess I'm on a Chicago kick?

It's Lou! Lou visited our house today! :)
If you have NOT yet experienced Lou Malnati's, what the heck are you waiting for?
I will tell you this. I have had pizza on nearly every vacation I've been on, meaning I've had it in lots of states. We do it best. Overall, we just do.
Whether it's cracker thin or deep dish.
It's just right.

Not to say there aren't exceptions in other states that are phenomenal, it's just the concentration of amazing pizza here is ridiculous comparatively.

This was celebration pizza, since I have been offered a job. It was delicious celebration pizza, and there was delicious chocolate after dinner too. The job I was offered is exciting and until the offer is through I can't say where, and there's stuff pending in other arenas too...I hate keeping the good under wraps even a little, but I have told some people.

Meanwhile, I am coming up on a nice weekend with friends, so it's been a good day.

Oh, and I gotta say one thing. I have just today randomly, in talking to someone, realized there's someone in my life right now who no matter how much I do to walk away will come find me. And that is a very nice feeling. Just that someone cares enough to look for you if you're not around the way you normally are. I get scared and I walk away and every time, this person shows right back up in my life, at what always seems like the right time.
I love that.
I really love that. To the point it scares me. And I want to walk away.
But somewhere out there, someone will find me, and I'm becoming more and more sure of that.

To bed! Or to...other stuff!