Bullet the Blue Sky- Sunday Bulletin'

It's Sunday! And because I'm weird, I'm bulleting today instead of yesterday. It's more because yesterday, I just..didn't. So here we are, and I'm giving you today, in fun and funky little bullets.
Maybe purple ones.

• Purple bullets!
• Wake up late because baking sourdough until 3 am
• Take a shower to try and function so I can hit Jewel for things we need for demiglace
• Realize it's almost 80 out, roll all windows down and turn on radio en route to Jewel. Spring, where the hell had you been hiding?
• Jewel is: being remodeled, has no AC on, is packed, and I hate my life. Supermarket sweep. And damn, they have no thyme.
• On to Garden Fresh, also packed, but cooler. Get thyme! Race back to house. Sweat.
• Boyfriend in midst of demiglace making, wearing apron, attractive. It is hot in here too though. Whyyyy.
• Help some, take out trash, recycling and do dishes. Eat goulash for lunch. A hot meal. Whyyyy?
• Convince boy that if he's making demiglace from scratchy scratch, I surrender total control of kitchen to him and therefore do not wish to make enchiladas, because that project and his would not combine well.
• Dream of tonight's tacos that I will pick up from the best Mexican place in town/county/state possibly.
• Surf internet, catch up on blog
• Order mats for cat food and water bowls to go on, purple kinky desk fan for hot weather days
• Leave this post up, updating occasionally. See where it goes. 
• Nap?
• Nope. Order tacos. Lose keys. Check rose bushes, which look good!
• Get food situated for everyone, pour self a Belgian Red from New Glarus. CHERRIES!
• Get "torpedo burrito". Attempt full consumption. Give up halfway through.
• Decide to fit more liquid cherries inside of me.
• Play Dark Souls 3
• Think about if I'm going to do laundry tonight. Think about not doing it. Think about how I should do it. 
• Actually start Dark Souls 3. I can put it in on a break?
• Am helping make espagnole sauce, as a mute prep cook. Think we pulled off the mis en place
• I'm actually progressing a lot today in Dark Souls 3. On my own. Maybe forward motion is possible!
• Finish torpedo burrito. Start sourdough bread post for 52 weeks of cooking at the last minute again. Dammit, this year it's been hard to keep up!
• Make stupid jokes, snuggle and go back to work on sourdough
• feel tired. want to nap. no laundry done yet. can nap?
• Plan on sleeping til forever tomorrow. Want cookies.
• Was supposed to go to walgreens for sympathy card and one to send mom. cookies?
• Look at my smart, busy, determined man as he runs to the kitchen for the 45th time intent on making demiglace. Smile because I love him.
• Demiglace takes forever to make. This bullet list is getting long. 
• Oh yeah, finished the sourdough post. All pics edited, resized, text added and on reddit. Still really proud that I can make bread rise without commercial yeast.
• I am tired.
• I don't want to go to bed while he's still stove slaying, so...keep busy by gaming? If I watch tv I will probably nap. Ok, fine, Dark Souls. I'll try you.
• For those keeping track at home, both of us love to cook, but this is a project that my love has wanted to do for forever, so I am but an assistant. I had my tornado thing, he's got his demi-glace. 
• This makes a gallon of demiglace. So like...where are we putting that? What are we doing with it?
• Either way, I love his focus and dedication and determination.
• No laundry, no Walgreens. Tomorrow I really should garden. Things are already piling up.
• Oy. It's almost 2. Demiglace has a ways to go. Teh bummer.
• I think this is enough of a bullet day. Goooodnight blogland.

Day Swap! And Words To Live By!

I was all like "Omg, behind again!"

But then I was like..."This is MY Internets. I do what I want!"

So what I'm going to do, is I'm going to take yesterday's, which is bulleting my day, and do that today. Then, I'm going to do the quote thing right nowlike, because I save quotes like it's my job, and I have at least one or two that came to mind IMMEDIATELY.

From what I've sourced through the years on it, this is a Pueblo blessing. But in the end, if it isn't, whoever said it was right, I think. 

Hold on to what is good

even if it is a handful of earth.

Hold on to what you believe

even if it is a tree that stands by itself

Hold on to what you must do

even if it is a long way from here.

Hold on to life

even when it is easier letting go

Hold on to my hand

even when I have gone away from you.

And you know, I think this one will be the only one I put up.

I do, incidentally, have a handful of earth that I hold on to, quite literally. I took some red dirt from New Mexico when my mom and I went on our epic road trip, added some dried cactus, turquoise, and a few native rocks, and a little pine cone I found in Water Canyon, and I put it in a square, lead crystal vase, like a terrarium. To remind me that I'd gone and chased my dream, and it was all real. To remind me that it's my goal to get back there. To enjoy having a piece of it wherever I go.

Holding on to what you believe is harder, especially as I struggled to figure out what I believe vs. what I was told to believe. Then there's the harder task of standing up for that even if it's not popular or if it goes against what loved ones say. I need to find gentleness yet still be firm, and this one's a life goal. 

I like that it says to hold on to what you must do even if it's a long way from here, because to me, it pushes me. It reminds me change isn't always easy and I still have to do what's right no matter how hard it is. I've made the choice before and suffered the fallout but there's times I've shied away from it too. If your heart tells you to go somewhere, you gotta go.

The next one...well, speaks to hardships. No matter what, don't give up. It would be easier to let go, probably, and at some point even for a moment, I know many of us have felt that. But...we press on. We try. We fail, we try again. It's what we do, and I want to always keep doing that.

And for me? That last part tells me to remember everyone you love in everything you do. Hold on to those memories, those lessons, those hard times...keep them with you. If you don't have that many memories, then that's ok, but treasure and protect the ones you do have. 

So yeah.

I think it's a primer. And I think I'm gonna keep trying to go by it.

Peeviness.

If nothing else, I found the appropriate  picture for this post.
Today: Pet peeves. Here's a pet, and he looks peeved. In this case, it's my sister's pet Rufus, and he's peeved because he's not invading the bed with his 80 pound self to snuggle.  This peeve would soon be a non-issue.

So...what are mine?

The first one I thought of is online applications.  You upload your resume, make a great cover letter happen, and then you spend 3 hours re-entering everything you just entered. Not only that, but many of them are powered by the same 3 terribly unstable HR software systems which will inevitably eat what you wrote and make you enter it again, or do something like this:

IT: Phone number invalid
YOU: No, that's real. *deletes and re-enters*
IT: Nope
YOU: *re-enters again, typing more angrily*
IT: Nope still.
YOU: *re-enter*
IT: HAHAHAHAHA NEVERRRRR
IT: How about start all over again. Sorry, were you almost done? TOO FRIGGIN' BAD!

Next is probably more accurately a pet peeve than a universal dislike, because it doesn't bother everyone.

I hate eating noises.

It's way worse when someone's chewing with their mouth open, and that's most of what drives me crazy, but not because I'm Emily Post, it's just a really grating sound for me.  I'm conscious of it myself too, when or if I do it. I always feel like a jerk for mentioning this particular peeve, but again, I'm not judging anyone for doing it, it's like...it's like that high pitched noise that only some people can hear (usually me  again, thanks laser-hearing) that you just keep hearing and it really starts to drive you crazy.  I can avoid it, ignore it, and otherwise distract myself and so that's what I do most of the time.

And three? I guess here I'll go with terrible spelling and grammar in professional places. 
Though it makes me cringe, fine, text your friends that "you guys will nevar beleive wot happened last nite"
I get it, not everyone has an easy time spelling, and some people don't care. I'm not one of those people, and it drives me up a wall, but I'll try not to be a jerk. But if you're say, working for the New York Times, or you have a professional website for your business, no matter what sort of business it is, IF YOU CAN'T SPELL, FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN. Find someone to edit your stuff. And I'm not talking about typos or occasional slips. We all do that. I've looked at articles as soon as they go up and been like "ohhh nooooo." But just...the ones where no one makes an effort...that's what drives me insane.

Now? I go off to think about things that don't make me crazy. And you have a good day, I hope.

Life or Something Like It- 14

Keep taking two bites at a time instead of one, eh ?
Well, this one choked me a little bit.
Where do you see your life in 7 years?

I guess it made me look at my life now, and that made me wonder about what I see vs. what others see, vs. what needs to be done.

I'm in transition, again. I'm trying to change my circumstances, again. I've taken on more than I suspect a lot of people know again.

I'm learning and stumbling and falling and getting up as far as my relationship.
I'm this little baby fledgling bird in the world of writing trying to get some momentum to take off, and I've still got a foot in the nest of temp work or customer service, though right now those twigs seem to be falling right out from under my feet too. I guess this post served to worry me, help me become more determined, and totally flip me out one night.

Anyway, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna look forward seven years and list my hopes.
Because that's all it asked, and my brain put more in it than that.

I want to be happy.
I want to be in love and developing that relationship to the best it can be, and I hope it'll be a 10 year old thing by then.
I want to have a place that's just for us where everyone feels safe and comfortable and loved.
I want to have enough, and a little extra to give, if that's possible.
I want myself and my loved ones to feel fulfilled, supported and secure.

There. I guess that wasn't so hard.
Now I pin this somewhere, and try to achieve it.

Funny Freelancing

Alright. I owe you guys several. The most important thing though, about trying to do something for 30 days, is that if you DO NOT reach your goal one or two days, not to quit. 

So here I am. I am no to be quitting. 

The days I missed were: Two words/phrases that make you laugh and my commute. 

So.

Cat memes usually make me laugh. These two inparticular get me, though I admit the first one is mostly because of the cat's expression.

So...how about something I say wrong all the time that makes me laugh: Chicken Cacciatore. 90% of the time I say "Kitchen Cacciatore."

My brain is weird.

As to my commute? Well, right now my job description is freelance writer. As such, I have no idea where my next commute will be, but a lot of times, being that I write for Chicagoist, it's somewhere in Chicago. Being that I live about as north of Chicago as you can get before you wear cheese hats (because I love mah boyfriend), this presents me with a long commute if the story is during business hours. I compensate with plenty of good music, coffee, and podcasts.  Most of the time the story I'm going to cover is at a museum or somewhere equally intriguing, so even when it takes me a few hours to get there, which it can, because Chicago traffic is the pits...it's worth it, it's fun, and I tend to not mind so much. Then, on the way home, I pick a lunch place at random, grab a drink and some food, and head back home. On the way home, I try to write the story in my head. 

And that's my process!

So.

Day 14 to be finished tonight.

A Current Affair

Well, it's Big 11 today in this April roundup we're doing on our blogs. That's a bigun for me, and I'd been somewhat dreading it for fear of lack of words or, conversely, too many.

Today's about your (well, MY, in this case, since it's mi casa, internetically speaking) current relationship.

*coughing awkwardly*

So. Neither myself nor my lovely and currently slumbering boyfriend are much for having our relationship all over the book of faces, twitter, or anywhere else on the great WWW. I once, having been a "secret" girlfriend, wished that I would have someone who wished to say sappy things to me on my wall or tweet our every move, but what I found, when I found this relationship, is that I wanted to not be secret, but being secret and not being a highly advertised internet couple are NOT the same thing. I don't worry about being hidden, because I'm not. I don't worry about introductions, because I'm his girlfriend, and he's my boyfriend.

We're going on 3 years, and by Day 2, life threw some challenges at us that many couples don't deal with til way, way down the road. And for one of us, that's been par for the course for far too long. One of the most beautiful things I see in him, though, is his heart. It's in no way hidden, it is huge and beautiful and he pairs it with a sense of duty far beyond what one is taught in any institution in the world. He speaks his heart with his hands, and his hands are those of someone who works hard every day.

It's been a learning process, this relationship. I had to and have to learn how to trust. I have to learn how to communicate. When you're somebody's secret, or somebody's second, that stuff doesn't matter.

When you're trying to build a relationship that can withstand any storm, and can rebuild walls that fall down, you need to have a strong foundation. I can honestly say I had no idea where to start. I was used to building the bricks to keep people out, not to make room for someone else and to protect us both.

It's learning that, as my wonderful adopted dad and my aunt/godmother have said, marriage or relationships aren't 50/50. And they shouldn't be. Sometimes, they're 99/1. And you might be the 99 percent, or you might be the 1, and you have to be ok with the times you're the 1, or the relationship won't last.

As much as you think you're prepared to give someone everything you are, we're all selfish creatures.We want what we want. We get tired, we get weary, we get snappy, we create problems where there are none, we get to feeling neglected.

And, most interestingly, we become "we."
We need to mesh our goals. We need to take care of ourselves, each other, and two families.
I can't say I knew what that'd be like 2ish years ago. I knew I was in love, and I knew it was something different and special.

I knew he would come in and sit at our dinner table. I watched him bring homemade ice cream and amaryllis flowers to my grandma after she had oral surgery and couldn't eat anything that wasn't smushy. I knew he'd be there, brother in tow, when my Jeep got smashed and I was too hysterical to make clear words.  I knew, from years and years in our past as friends, that if I got the crazy idea that we should stomp puddles and walk home in the pouring rain, he'd come with me.

And he has. And he does. And every day, I still try to figure out why and how.
He loves me. I can say that with absolute certainty.
We are a match made in nerd heaven. We've got spreadsheets for shows we watch, and we celebrate holidays like "Dark Souls 3 Day" and have mini MST3K parties and board game nights.

It is hard. It's been harder than I've ever thought anything would ever be.
There's times I've wanted to run away. There's times I've gotten in my car to do it.
And I get some miles down the road, and I look at my passenger's seat, and there's a big, 6 foot something void. There's no big paw on the back of my headrest. There's no chiptunes or video game music. There's no Thrilling Adventure Hour. There's no him. And no matter what the problem was, no matter how much hurt...I know that I wish, in that moment, he was there with me.  I know that leaving isn't what I want, and that it's oddly (I say oddly because of my own insecurity, not because of him) not what he wants either.

So if he gets the flu, I have the flu. If he needs me, I will make him my priority. If he talks, I'm going to listen. Because I know he did and does the same for me, and because I know that it's the only way we're gonna make a future.

So, hell and high water be damned. Or dammed, perhaps. I'd love the latter.  Sometimes I dream of more worry-free days, less stress on our shoulders.  But if we can do this now, then we can keep doing it, and I hope we do. Forever.

Age is Weird- Nine

Well, to go along with a day where I'm hitting my head against a wall, why don't we add that I skipped 9 on my list of bloggy things to do each day in April. 9 was to talk about ageism.

Here we go.

Pictured above is Weird Al Yankovic. Weird Al is 56. Weird Al can also kick over his head, run back and forth on a stage making upwards of 20 costume changes, make jokes, dance, and sing on key all at once. That's good, not just "for 56" but "for" anyone.

My experience is that people of all ages can do great things, and it's important that we all know that. That way, if we're 30 and we feel like we have no idea what the hell is going on with our lives, or we feel stopped along the way somewhere, or whatever, we know that some people's careers and lives are just beginning.

If our nephews, nieces or sons and daughters see a 13 year old start a business or a 16 year old graduate college, they know the sky's the limit for them, and they can aspire to big things now, instead of just wishing to be older.

I've seen the ageism on both sides- people talking about how everyone "millenial" or whatever they want to call the generations below them are lazy, overprotected special snowflakes who can't function when anyone doesn't like them or their Facebook status, and I've also seen a young office turn on their older staff, mock them for their out of date ways, and basically drive them away, though they're perfectly talented and qualified for the job, and might even have some insights and ideas that would blow their minds.

Mozart started composing at age 5
I just read about a kid who summited Kilimanjaro at age 9.
J.R.R. Tolkien published the first of his Lord of the Rings Series at 62.
Einstein got a nobel at 42.

So why can't we just throw the numbers out and start realizing that a lot more than we think is possible. Time to start trying that.