Saturday, November 5, 2011

Waiting in the Wings

Feeling a bit blue tonight. It's been lurking somewhere in my head the past few days, and the quiet has coaxed it out of its hiding place.

I'm missing someone, someone I both don't normally miss and it's someone I feel like there's a different distance than normal with.  I really don't like that feeling.  What I've tried to do though, is just wait.  Because this isn't a person that tends to let me down.  But that makes it that much worse when it feels like there's a bigger-than-geographic distance.

It's also tied up in my concert tomorrow.  It's one that my mother and grandmother both won't be able to make, and that makes a difference.  I might have two friends show up, which would be a first-in-a-long-time situation. In my heart I always want to see people I love there.  Not because I need to be lauded for my performance or because I want to look important, but because music is the absolute direct line to my heart and soul.  I want to feel like people understand that.  And in my heart, I've always wanted to know people wanted to see me at my best, my absolute best, you know?

When I'm on stage, and when that baton drops and we fly into the first song...that's me at my absolute best. That's focus and strength and skill from years and years of study.  It's something that's important to me, and close to my heart.   When you put in years of your life to something, I feel like it's ok to want people to witness it, you know?

And maybe classical music isn't really everyone's main interest in life, but I really think in a hall where the sound echoes like that, it can be enjoyable.  I might be strange, but when a friend's passionate about something, really passionate, I just immediately feel like even if I don't really know anything about it, it's something I want to see, because I think that's the moment when people are at their best, you know?

Recently, someone close to me responded the same way to my asking them to the event as they did to someone asking to something they hated, and it stung.  So I guess it clung to my mind a little harder this time.

Here's what I ask of anyone reading this...
Take time out to discover why the people you love love the things they love.  It'll bring you closer.

And here's my own medicine: If you miss someone, tell them. Don't mope about it.
I'll fix that, and I'll hope eventually, there will be someone I love waiting in the wings for me.  It's been a longstanding desire of mine to see someone there, happy to see me, after a concert.  That we could both get enjoyment from.  And I don't think that's too high a bar to set.

No comments: