Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Sea of Glass-photos from an awesome trip to the lake. :)

So there I was in Kenosha, WI, trying to kill some time while my grandma visited with some of her friends.'s where I usually go to do that. This park on the lake is my sanctuary. By the way, that? That wave right there? That was the one that got me. yep! My own fault, I love the water too much not to be close enough for waves to get me. :)

I've never been here before when it was like this. I think it's AMAZING. The waves hitting the rocks, spraying perfectly clear ice into the air? It hits the water and sounds like tiny little windchimes. And the formations of ice on the rocks? It's....awesome.
I'm a little in heaven. Or a lot. The color of the sky on the snow, the sound of the water, the force of the wind and the waves? Perfect.

My visitors, the ducks. :)
Honestly....who could ask for a prettier place to test out a camera?
This was treacherous, but awesome.
I stood in this spot forever watching the waves crash up on the beach. :)
The ducks like my spot too.
Just a walk in the park, folks. :)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Day 6 (and an FBI WARNING)

So here's the day six shtick for this here photo thing.
And the FBI warning, which i'll get out of the way. That will be this. I just got a new camera and a whole lot of free time. I *think* this will help me establish a regular habit of photo a daying. Be warned.

Meanwhile, here's the six A picture that shows your true self.

And I'm posting 3, because I can if I want to. (:p) and because I owe some and because I totally am not following all the rules anyway, so what's one more infraction?

The second one of me in the kiva is the first one that stood out to me when I was trying to find a photo for this.
I was out exploring, I was sharing it with a friend (Kija took this, by the way. And was my awesome c0-adventurer for the trip). This was taken at Bandelier National Monument just outside of Los Alamos, NM in the Jemez Mountains.

That was honestly one of my favorite days in history. It was November and it was a beautiful day. Not too hot, not too cold. We were taking pictures, goofing off, finding bears, facing fears (I did a HUGE ladder climb and I am NOT so ok with heights but I pushed myself and made it.)
This day in particular... I guess it's my optimal idea of me. This is the me I always want to be. Happy, exploring, with friends, pushing myself.

The first one (which....Blogger annoys me with photo layout, cuz my first was supposed to be my second and ...yeah.)...well, I think it speaks to who I am too. Because honestly? I refuse to NOT have fun with life. I refuse to be serious all the time. And my favorite people are the ones who dare to be ridiculous with me. Like Patty, who is the awesomest.
It doesn't mean I don't have focus or can't be serious when it's called for, but I hope I never lose my silly side.

And in lieu of three pics, I give you two. cuz I can.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

“I will show you fear and a handful of dust.”

So this strays from my photo format, and also from the intent of this blog but I had to put it somewhere and the LJ didn't seem right. Partially because this is somewhat anonymous, partly because the people I know that read it are the people I'd share this with anyway.

So what is this about?
It's about Bones. (yes, spoilers ahead)

I love Bones, always have since Patty and her mom introduced it to me. Not just because of David Boreanaz, though originally he was what piqued my interest (Hey, I've always thought he was hot beyond belief)

But it's a show that really has a heart. There's been some episodes that have just stuck with me, the message and the emotion in them. The Hero In The Hold comes to mind, as does the 100th and the one set in NM, which for the life of me I can't remember the name of right now...(edit: The Skull in the Desert)

Actually that one ties in to this, I think. In that, Angela is questioning if she ever really had anything with a man that she dated only for a few months every year for a month or so, and someone tells her that if they were all each other's for that time, that's more than some people get in a lifetime.

I think of that when I think of this episode, though this one was just...heartbreaking. For her to FINALLY realize that Booth was who she belonged with at exactly the wrong time, for him to save her the way he did and then absolutely break her heart, even though it was what he had to do at the time. Emily Deschanel was fantastic, she absolutely tore my heart into a thousand pieces.

When she fell apart that way...I would have completely lost all composure were I watching it alone, and as it is I nearly did. That sobbing? The way she cried? That kind of sorrow I don't know if anyone who hasn't been through it can even understand. It makes your jaw ache trying to contain it. I've cried like that a few times, one of which was the hardest day of my entire life, walking out a door I never, never wanted to walk out so amazingly in love and so intensely heartbroken that words...don't even come close to describing it. I've only ever felt that once. It's consuming. And that jaw aching cry? I remember all the times I've felt that. One that comes to mind was when I was on the plane home to New Mexico, the first time I'd visited IL afterwards. I was scared because NM didn't really feel like home yet, but IL definitely didn't. Going back that time, I passed all these things that were familiar and NOTHING felt the same. Everything was foreign and gray and bleak. And because I hadn't yet found home in NM, because I was so alone in Los Alamos, and because things were so hard out there at the time, finding my way, trying to manage on 200 dollars every two weeks.... I felt lost. But when I'd gotten to the airport that day I found I was aching to go back to NM. I was holding on to this moose my mom gave me that sings Blue Moon just aching to be home again. And it was on that plane, staring out the window to hide the fact that I was crying that I felt that jaw ache. All I wanted was to be back, to go see my cat, Bill and all my friends. I knew that when I landed that'd all be there for me and I was homesick in that moment. I remember how badly my jaw ached trying to hold in all those tears.

And honestly, I haven't seen it portrayed that way so well....god, nearly ever.
It more than got to me. I felt it again.
I can't really say I wanted to, but I have to applaud that level of acting.

So this is about Bones...and life. And that intensity. And I don't know why I needed to say something after seeing it, but I did.
All I can think is...we can't lose those feelings, and we can't ignore them. As awful and gut wrenching as loving a place or a person or some combination of both is, and as much as sometimes you don't get what your heart is longing for, or you don't get to keep it....
I always want to remember that it is so, so worth it.