Saturday, March 26, 2011

This picture actually stirs me up right now.
I feel weird saying this to other people, though here I am saying it in open air, but I seriously just ache for this again.
And I don't know why. It's something I just feel.  I feel like something is missing without the mountains.

Which is weird, because I was without it for most of my life. I'd never experienced it before high school. Not even a little.

And holy cow, I am excited to see Shannon and the baby and to just travel in general, and the road trip will be fun. And maybe it's wrong to say this, but the very FIRST thing that makes my heart leap into my throat about this trip (in a good way) is that I'm going back THERE.  That I can wake up and see THAT.  Just be around it.  I dunno. It's power and it's time and it's massive. It's the actual meaning of awesome.

I miss being around something that infinite and impossible every day.

This week should be amazing. We're gonna take the baby to the zoo, I'll try and sneak out to hike when I can...get to cook for my sister and babysit so they can have a date night... It should be excellent.

I hit that point tonight where I got cold feet and didn't want to go. I always do. I was all "but like, what if it's uncomfortable sleeping? What if things are weird? What if I'm...yeah. Totally crazy. :) I like to travel. I like to explore. I like to hang out with my sister, and I like her husband.  I miss having dogs so it'll be great to goof off with her two.  The weather should at least not be SNOWY, I hope.  Holy cow, it'll be great.

Now to just get there.
A brave new world!

Thursday, March 24, 2011


This picture makes me happy.  Salvador Dali makes me happy, too. I guess it's because he was so...out there, but he was smart.  He did something with his life, but he always had a sense of humor.  And obviously, he knew how to just enjoy life.
He had his own perspective, and nobody else was like him.  And he obviously didn't care if he was too old to jump rope... dammit he'd do what he wanted.
I admire that.

Monday, March 21, 2011


Tonight I want to go help with a family ranch. Back in New Mexico, out in the wide open.  Work alongside one of the sweetest, kindest men I have ever met and set up a little homestead and never look back.

How can you go wrong with that? I'd have chickens and gardens full of veggies and I'd be helping keep something alive. Live off the land if you can and forget about the suburbs and the rat race. Take what the land gives you, live among friends and people you love dearly, wake up with the mountains surrounding you watching the storms roll in for miles.

Yeah, it sounds really, really good.
Pack me some bags.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

So this isn't my picture, but it does crack me up. :)
I'll probably post something else a bit later, but wanted to wave at the general universe. :)
Went to a St. Patrick's Day breakfast within walking distance of my house today.  It was rowdy, but fun. Met some fun folks, had scrambled eggs with corned beef and cabbage in em (seriously. it was weird, but good), potatoes and some craft beers at the brewery.

I also sang. On air. Those of you who know me well will know that's...unlikely to have ever happened. I mostly loudly read off a sheet of paper torn from the wall.  We won sweatshirts that said Chi-rish, which I love, even though it's huge.  have tons of beads, and Duco Buttafuoco from 95 WIIL rock dyed my hair neon green.

It was definitely good times.
I'm about to go wrap up my soda bread and check on the corned beef and cabbage. :)
And probably nap.
Totally going to Wind Ensemble with green hair. :p

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

If not here, where?

Took a walk through a cemetery a few days back. There's something about it that's peaceful to me, and while that doesn't immediately make's just how I feel about it.

Took my camera with, intending to find the grave of the exiled prince that's buried in Libertyville.  I didn't find that in this cemetery, but I found myself looking at the old graves.  Some of the people were buried there in the 1860s.  What strikes me more than the big ornate obelisks and the perfectly carved angels are the graves that are almost covered up or nearly erased with age.  I've always been one to uncover what I can. I like to think of it as making sure someone reads their names.

I think it's the simple things that strike me the most sometimes. Like this. This is all that stone said. Father.
And in some respects, what else can you say when you lose someone that close to you? What's left?  And who is it for?  I was alone in the cemetery for a while but then someone came to lay down flowers at a grave. She just stood with her head lowered quietly after the flowers were placed. She knew the spot, and she knew what the person buried there had meant to her, and that was all that mattered.  Her and that space on that day, remembering.

I guess that's something that I wish I had sometimes. I don't have a place like that I can just go.  And sometimes I really wish that I did.  It's what makes me want to go to Fort Collins and spend a while. Whether you believe there's anything beyond bones there or not, it's more about remembering than anything else. Shared space and remembering.  I don't want to miss that shared space forever.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


Here's the scoop, poop. 

I decided to table the project I was doing because I actually think it's making me want to post LESS. Especially on days when I know the project and it's not one that I particularly feel connected to.
I take a lot of pictures and I feel like stuff comes from that a lot more naturally. So...I'll use it if I get stuck, but for now...I'm gonna do what I feel like doing. 

I love this guy.
He was mid-honk when I took this picture.  Went out to Butler Lake on the bike yesterday to see what was out there to see.  The Canadian geese are hopping around on the ice but hopefully won't be able to do so much longer. I'm definitely awaiting spring.  Not patiently. 

I really cannot wait til everything is green again. There's only so much brown and cold you can take in a year. 

So here's my happy homage to the fun little geese.   Later, perhaps, something more substancey. But honestly, they were fun to observe.

He has a girlfriend :P

and a good strut.

                                            This was his posse. :) 

anyway, today, I felt like a silly goose. :P  So I figured I'd just share my adventures with the Canuckies.

I am liking this photo a day thing my way.  I think it'll be more interesting.

Thursday, March 3, 2011


I hate "cool" as a concept. That you need to buy/wear/do something to fit in to someone's idea of awesome.
I especially hate what it does to people. And I'm gonna be controversial for a moment here...I hate what it does to men. Because I've known some that are SO good, or maybe more accurately COULD be so good, who have wonderful hearts... and all they hear is the cool mantra....
which says you need to be a dick to be cool. That you need to sleep with a lot of girls to be cool. That you should play games when you're dating.

For girls? It's that you have to have a status bag, that being a bitch is cool...there's so many things...

I guess I just hate that it's that important. I want to know people for people.  Not for the bullshit that surrounds them.

Anyway, that's something I hate.
Sweet potatoes are a close second. :p

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Something I Love...

 Day 12 - A picture of something you love Day 13 - A picture of something you hate Day 14 - Picture of someone you could never imagine your life without Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die Day 16 - Someone you would want to switch lives w/ for one day and why Day 17 - Your favorite song Day 18 - Picture of your biggest insecurity Day 19 - A picture of someone you miss Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel Day 21 - A picture of something that makes you happy Day 22 - A picture that confuses you Day 23 - Something you crave for a lot Day 24- A picture of yourself and a family member Day 25 - Picture of yourself and a family member Day 26 - A picture of something that means alot to you. Day 27 - A picture of something your afraid of Day 28 - A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then? Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile Day 30 - Who are you?

This wasn't a hard one to figure out. :) 
It wouldn't be, and I'm glad it wouldn't be. 
SomeTHING I love? 
There's a lot of things, among them lilacs and roses and strawberries and photography and the mountains and thunderstorms and my friends and family....the list goes on. Those are just the first things that come to mind.

Music never has to come to mind though, it's always there. If it seems extreme to say it's how my soul breathes, I guess I'll be extreme. It's just something I couldn't be without. I love being a part of it, too. There's something so intense about the way it feels, the way time suspends before the baton drops...the way it feels to hear your individual sound blend with everyone else's to create a massive force with sound that people can feel. To be able to put yourself in the music, and to be able to use the music to express things you wouldn't be able to say. 
"Where words fail, music speaks"

I love to listen to it, I love to play it...I understand it, and it still amazes me to this day how incredibly powerful it can be.  I keep thinking about Aerosmith when I heard them sing Dream On at Alpine Valley the first time I was there.  The whole valley is ringing with the sound of voices and the band is building and it was AMAZING.  You honestly feel like you're somewhere else...just reaches you.  Or sitting in a bar in Taos...normal bar, normal room, until my friends The Rudy Boy Experiment blow the roof off the place. Whenever they play, there's this rush of energy and electricity. You can tell they love it, you feel this excitement that you didn't have before the first note plays. 

Or one of my other favorites, one I played. Third Symphony. The man who wrote it wrote it (Barnes) to grieve the loss of his child...and I to this day can't play it or listen to it without completely falling apart by the third movement. It's powerful.  You can HEAR his heart.  Before I knew what it was about it got me, too.  I remember that first,and that to me is what music is about. 
It's amazing that you can FEEL the sorrow and the dreams he had for her without any words being spoken. The power struck me before I even knew the whys behind it.  And it helped me be able to work through things I needed to work through too. I remember talking to the horn soloist and she told me she was playing it for her sister who she'd lost... no wonder it was so amazing when she played it. 

Anyway, I could probably go on No questions, it will always be a part of my life. And that, I love.