Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tonight I'm not doing ok.
I'll start there. Then you'll understand why when I look at this same thing tonight, I think maybe she doesn't see the storm, or maybe she does and she just wants to imagine it away, and she's minutes from being swept away by the storm surge.
I think she is malevolent and angry, and it's not a calm blue sea, it's absolute isolation- nothing and no one to hold on to.
I think the color is draining from her face, not reflecting from some light source.
Tonight the blue lips are frozen and wordless- she'll never say the things she wants to say, out of fear, because when you're already hurting the last thing you want is to open yourself up to get hurt some more.
Tonight she's tossing everything good in the ocean and walking away, foolishly, because it seems easier than trying to find its place.
Tonight I'm hiding in analogies because I feel alone, upset and like I'm shouting into the wind and nobody can hear me.
Tonight I don't want to sleep it off because I'm afraid of what I'd dream.
See what I mean about art?
I wish I wasn't so angry tonight.