Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Do The Write Thing

Tonight I'm using this space as...well, what it always should be and sometimes isn't.
Just mine.
Just a place to download if I need to.

And I think I need to. What I need is more calm sunrises with no one around and less...stress.
That picture was taken on our super excellent and long vacation in Door County, which I already miss. During that vacation, we did exactly nothing whenever we wanted to, and exactly what we wanted to when we wanted to.  Sleep til 2 one day, get unhealthy takeout and watch Moana at 4 am? Sure.

Wake up at 8 am to get breakfast and watch the snow fall, and then watch Food Network competitions and play Legend of Zelda? Sure!

Wake up at 6 and drive about a half an hour out to some icy cliffs to get some sunrise time with your camera? Yep.

I miss that.

Tryin' to get it other ways, but sometimes, lately, I find myself a bit spazzy and more irritated than I would like to be. Sometimes I just wonder how hard it'd be to help someone else out or be considerate, I guess? Sometimes I feel like I've taken the mantle of full on haus-frau like I don't have a job or ambition but I have both, and if there's any time I need to be working harder, it's now. I feel a bit bitter because to me, it seems like I can't ask anyone to wash a mug they didn't drink out of, while I'm washing a dirty dozen a day and I'm off caffeine.

And for anyone who doesn't think I'm working, I am. Despite setbacks. On top of which, a lot of the time, I'm feeling a crazy amount of anxiety and a dash of depression. I don't need an intervention staged or anything, and mom, if you're reading, you don't need to call, I just...have to manage life a little bit better. Communicate more, plan more, and fix some stuff that makes me feel insecure and just...crazy.

And maybe...realize what I can't fix. Other people, other people's relationships or lack thereof, and just...situational horror.

Sucky things just float out there, and you can't drown 'em for anything.
Maybe it's time to hold on to the good stuff, then?
I've gotta get out of a constant state of worry into something different. Life's tryin' to add stress while I try to take it away, but I'm gonna come out on top.

Beh. I'm not really sure what else to say, and I don't feel like a ramble. I think I'll disappear into a strange state of stupid show bliss, then, and leave this be what it was.

To all of you out there...I hope you find a little normal in a crazy world, even if it seems impossible to find right now.

And I hope I can get enough sleep to be a little more productive tomorrow.

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