My heart's too full for words and it's too late for pictures tonight.
I...love.
That's about it.
And damned if that doesn't hurt like hell when the clock strikes midnight.

I could

I could wax poetic about the open road
I could talk about being almost blown to Oz
I could express the deliciousness of a pillow top mattress and a queen suite in OK or the deliciousness of some pizza...
But I think I'm going to put this here...
And go to bed.
Because tomorrow we head home. At least home for me. And my face wants to be shiny and happy when we roll into Socorro.

I will say this. This was my best time through OK for a few reasons:

1. I only got lost mildly for a few minutes, and Curtis, the Aussie GPS man, quickly fixed it.
2. No bees or other evils.
3. The people in the Welcome Center when we first got in? OMG, so insanely awesome. They stopped just short of tying my shoes, swear. We said "hey, we need a map" and got a map, all the info on the Osage Nation (of which I am a part, btw) and the complete guide to the city we needed to get to by tonight. Oh right, and free coffee.
And free stories.
And the one guy was my age and attractive. The mood ring said it was love. Alas...

Anyway, I'm delirious, clearly, so goodnight.

On the way...

These are the skies over I-55 about an hour or so before we pulled into my aunt's in Jacksonville. Sure, there's no mountains in the distance, but the flatness we so often decry lends itself to nice big open sunsets like this.

Myself, I'm in love with the dramatic cloud picture, but I'm in love with dramatic clouds on open plains like this. Grandma wanted me to take a more colorful shot, which I love too. :)

I'ma do two for one today, because it's a trip, because I'm a punk, and because I don't feel like typing a lot.

I'm gonna sort through the 89 bazillion channels they have here and find something to sleep by.

Lucky for me, I'm a night owl and Mom isn't, so she gets the "first thing in the morning" drives and I get the "ok, it's getting late" ones.

Now if we could just work everything out that way...
Anyway, goodnight from lil' ol Jacksonville and the cozy, creaky, 1907 victorian house I have always loved. Maybe I'll take a picture of that tomorrow...

Everything Zen

I got this bouquet from a florist at the bridal show. I love Calla lilies, though they're not in my top five.
Top five: roses (esp. blue girls), water lilies, lilacs, hydrangea, orchid.

I love the lines of these flowers though. And the shadows. They're just elegant.
I took about 33 pictures of these calla lilies, trying to find the lighting and the angles I wanted, and I probably could have gone longer. I may just have a point and shoot right now but it's no excuse not to work on composition.

My mom saw this picture and asked me why I don't "do anything" with my photos. I guess aside from this...
I usually say that I'm not sure I'm good enough to do anything with it, though I know I have the beginnings of a nice portfolio...and that my camera isn't powerful enough or able to do the things I want to do. I started to take a photography class in college but I was paying my own way and I couldn't afford all the extras. Which I was really, really bummed about.
I do love photography though, and I aspire to become better and better at it. And I would be *thrilled* to be paid to take pictures in any aspect. More as framed art than portraits.
I'm a landscape girl.

I have a friend named Erin who can make anyone look...amazing and true to themselves. She does the best candid portraits I've ever seen, and the best posed. It's like she sees exactly who they are and can always translate it in a shot, even if it's a shot of their feet. So hard to explain. Just a gift.

I guess I wonder what my gifts are and how I can use them. The only one I'm sure of is music, and even there I sometimes doubt myself.

Here's my passions: writing, music, photography, cooking, travel...if I could only figure out how to do all that for a living, I think I'd be the happiest girl alive.

For now I'll quietly test the waters.

Day 2's Picture! (I suck at titles)

Yet another bad quality picture phone picture...because this day (Sunday) I forgot my actual camera. :)
I'm good at that. Or I leave the battery in the charger. In any case...

I went to a Bridal Expo in Rockford with my brother's fiancee, my mom, Brendan's mom and a bunch of other folks.

That is WAY too much estrogen in one room, let me tell you. It was also roughly the temperature of an oven, only humid, and loud. And one other thing: I think women are worse at lines. I hate to say it, but I believe if it was a bunch of guys they'd be single file and efficient. Maybe. Who knows.

I don't really think about "My wedding" very much. I guess to me, I'd rather think about the person than the wedding itself? I'm sure I'll feel a bit differently when/if that happens, and I can have fun with some of it, but I just don't concentrate on it.

I can tell you a few things I'll probably be particular about, which I discovered at the wedding show...flowers...photographer...those are the big two. Especially after my sister's disaster photog. Probably food too, because weddings with bad food tend to be remembered for it?

I admit, the fashion show was kinda fun. We were put in the front row by the mothers, so it was Diana and her three bridesmaids. Interesting models..yeahhh. Some of em were very stiff, one was a cougar who knocked back a few too many and had a penchant to shake her butt whenever she could (or shouldn't) and then one was very cheerleadery. Interestingly, the plus size girl walked the catwalk with the most confidence. And she was very plus. But she looked great because she looked like she felt great. Life lessons I spose. Confidence projects beauty.

Anyway, I was glad when it was over, though I did enjoy being with Diana and talkin' to my brother who is now picking out a new Mac (lucky duck!) and all of that. I think I'd rather have computer shopped with him than bridal showed, except that it was fun to pick out the hot male models and heckle the corny dance scene on the runway. :P And I love Diana.
So...yep!

To some, this might be a strange way to start a photo-a-day project. There's a lot more uplifting beginnings. But every beginning is some other beginning's end, right? Or so they sang.

It's an interesting time to be writing this too, as Up is on. Makes me think about what you want your whole life to be about. Love. That's my quick, one word answer. In all forms.

This is the grave of my great-aunt Gene. I know a lot of people aren't close to their great-aunts and uncles, and so I count knowing her as a great, great blessing. She and my grandma, her sister, lived together for quite a few years. I remember how much I looked forward to going over there.

Aunt Gene was amazing. She cooked and baked and had beautiful gardens, and she was an amazing seamstress. I remember the way she used to bake pies and sculpt gorgeous little fruits out of the scraps of dough to lay on top and show what was inside. She had rows and rows of lilacs, vegetable gardens and roses. All of them were gorgeous. And if I can get a good picture sometime, I would post here the wedding dress she made for my grandma. Hand beaded, long train..pretty crazy in an amazing way. She was an artist pure and simple, in whatever she did, but she remained practical. She had the sharpest wit, too. She was someone you wouldn't cross, but who was very loving at the same time. Where Grandma is all around gentle, she had some rough edges, but they made her interesting.

When we went to the cemetery the other day, it struck me that I hadn't thought about all the things she was in a long, long time, and it made me feel a little sad and a little guilty. The grave was grown over and when I was ripping away at the grass and clearing the leaves and pine needles to uncover her name, all I could think was that it needed to be visible. And maybe that's my hangup. I don't have a gravestone to go to and visit my father's grave...and it always bothered me. I think that some people need something to go back to, somewhere to sit and remember the person. It transcends what you believe, whether they're "there" or not there...it's about the remembering. It's about that time and that space being dedicated to them. And what they meant to you. It's important.

And Gene? Sometimes I was afraid of her as a kid, sometimes I couldn't get enough of her, and lots of times I wanted to be just like her. Looking back, now I can see that maybe there was a part of me that was always going to like those things, even though I thought I wouldn't be into the whole "domestic" scene. And she showed me what it was like to make those things a joy and an art.

So here we are, looking back as I start this little project. On an amazing life that should be remembered, at a name that should be bold and remembered (if hard to pronounce). Because her life mattered.

I left my car keys in this picture on purpose. Because life is a journey, and it reminds me sometimes it's about looking back, not going forward.

So here we are, folks. Tune in for more pictures and stories.