Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Day 4: A habit you wish you didn't have

It was interesting trying to figure out what I'd use as my visual aid. And while my lovely assistant paints a pretty picture of it...
Bottling things up is my bad habit.
I'm a pro at it.
I can stuff pretty much every feeling I have down nice and deep. And I do. To my own detriment.
It took working an escalations line at a job I used to have to realize that sometimes you DO have to stand up for yourself, and sometimes, I've learned, it's a huge huge detriment to a relationship you really don't want to cause damage to to NOT say anything when you're feeling bad. I've also hurt the relationship trying to say too much, but I regret that less.

I guess for me...being heard is important. Not being right, or having my way, but just feeling like someone, somewhere is listening. I'm ok with being alone, and sometimes, like tonight, I revel in it. I just...the relationships I cherish the most are the ones that have shown me it was ok to speak the things from deep, deep down. The times I broke the bottle have proven to be some of the best, even if it hurt like hell. When I finally told someone it was my heart to move out West, when I finally told someone WHY I wanted my tattoo and why it was so important to me, the times I've told people EXACTLY what I was thinking....
Those have been rewarding.

So although Ana makes it look fun...I'm gonna try to make life more of an out of the bottle experience.

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