Monday, April 30, 2012

In Pieces

So here I am. On the West Coast, it's still the same day, and since my heart's in New Mexico, I figure it counts.

I'm doing the best I can and keeping the promises I made to myself for these 21 days as best I can.  I'm not really supposed to do anything til Wednesday if I feel up to it physically, but I can still take care of 3/4 things, and that's what I intend to do.

In my frenzy trying to find my title for my Jeep, which I have to give up tomorrow...and I feel like that sentence shouldn't just pass by, but I don't want to get into it too much now either...

I found these little pieces of my life.   Started to think about what it represented.  Thought of it as a little archaeology. Maybe it's the accident and giving up the Jeep but I'm thinking about who I am and how I got to that point.  And what's good and what's bad. 

So I found these pieces. Things that hurt me.  Things I never thought I'd believe in.  Things I believed in I wish I didn't.  Parts of who I am.  Writer, musician, friend.  Places I've been.  Things I'm not always sure I want to remember. Parts of my lineage.  Good grades, weird pictures of myself, schools I've been to.  Am i a cat person or a dog person? What does it all mean?

You know? It all means nothing and everything all at once. All of it has shaped me, for better or worse. And all I have to do is to try and keep growing without letting go of the lessons all the pieces taught me.  And I have to look at the things that remind me of the love I've shared with people and hold on to them when things get tough.

Well...things are tough.  I'm holding on.  

There's probably more sense this could have made.  Truth be told...I'm sore, and I'm tired, and I am not looking forward to tomorrow but I also just want it to be over.  And I want a hug, despite the fact that that would probably hurt more than feel good right now.

But I think I'm gonna get an ice pack, turn on some noise, and try to sleep.
Like one of my oldest friends told me tonight when I sent her a reminder of just how long we'd stuck it out to make her smile....

We'll make it.
Bruises and all.

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