Friday, May 18, 2012

Fly Away From Here

Today, through a series of unfortunate events, I ended up back at high school.  It was a strange feeling.  The halls seemed familiar, but alien.  I remembered all the times I'd been there before, but it all looked smaller.

I didn't have the typical high school experience, I think, because I did.  If that doesn't make any sense, I'll explain.  I came from a tiny Christian school to a public high school with no in-between.  I went from 13 in my whole grade to...tons more.   At first, maybe the first 2 weeks, I absolutely hated it.  I was in major culture shock, and I just felt overwhelmed. 

In reality was amazing.  For the first time I had some choice in what I learned.  There were all sorts of different groups of people, not just one clique you were in or out of.  I had acquired a large group of friends at once when I joined band, and I'd had 2 weeks before school to get to know them, so that the very first day, I had a loud, silly table of new friends to sit with.

I didn't know I wanted those things.  And everything I'd imagined high school would be it was, as silly as that seems.  I got asked out by a boy I liked at the end of gym class.  I went to pep rallies and games, I was the mascot for homecoming...I wore my boyfriend's letterman jacket, and he picked me up after classes and carried my books.  I got asked to homecoming in a note that was delivered in my creative writing class. I helped build the floats for homecoming and went on class trips.  I had a horrible rumor started about me. I cried on my prom night, even though I had fun for most of it.  I ditched class and got lunch out, and I was the person to get a ride home with when I first got my Jeep.

I had teachers that taught me full on life lessons that I carry with me today-who told me what my potential was and didn't let me fall short of it because I was too lazy that day.  I made friends that I'm proud to say I still have today.

I know a lot of people that hate high school, and I admit my own dread at walking back down those halls.  And it was strange, and familiar in an unfamiliar way.  It made me think about where I'd been and where I was, and the people and places that changed me.

I remembered how important that test seemed, or that rumor.  That guy...those mean girls...and how silly and small it all seems now, when you've been through life and death situations, loved and lost a little, and travelled forward like we all do.

Maybe the reason it's weird to go back is because there's so much you're just learning there, and going back shows you what you took away from it, and gives you a look into what remains of that person who was just trying to figure out not being a kid anymore.  I felt like half of me wanted to roam every last corridor and remember, and part of me really didn't want to be there.

It's strange to find yourself in a time machine, but one thing I can say is, it's an interesting look into who you've become and who you were.

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