Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Well, that's probably because he's good with words. Not like, on-a-page words...actual words. Or hell, maybe he's even just good at saying what he thinks, on a page, on a screen, or on a...plane? Maybe he likes green eggs and ham. I don't know.
Tonight, I'm frustrated. I'm stressed out, and I'm worried. All day at work I was trying to juggle the demands in my personal life which had to be taken care of, with regards to court, the state of IL and the accident...and the workload which has gotten hellish and complicated with a major recent development for us....and today just seemed like International Yell at Mariel Day on the phones. And here's the thing. My job IS to get yelled at, essentially. I mean, I handle escalated issues. And that's fine, but it's harder to take when your sanity is already being pressed. Somewhere in the back of my mind there's a medical issue I want to check out, and a surprise payment came through that wasn't supposed to, so the bank account has been somewhat of a stressor. This week started badly and has kinda just built up. Deaths, train accidents, chasing documents around and filing papers, and just..insane and confusing work issues. I have been hanging on by a thread.
I say all that to say...I top off the sundae sometimes with a big stinkin' idiot cherry on top.
In an attempt to keep behind my safe little walls, sometimes I just...catapult a lot of words that aren't what I want to say into the universe.
The truest things seem hardest to say, so I spout paragraphs of awkward. Sentences that disagree with each other instead of simple turns of phrase like "I feel...lonely/stressed out/afraid and could use a friend" or "I miss you" or "I hope you know I am there for you" turn into "uh...like so...i'm really sorry i exist and...uh like, uh....you probably don't want to....but like...." and it just...kinda...sucks.
This is my reverse superpower. I think maybe a regular spider needs to bite me and take it away?
Would that work?
I guess my thought for this post is: don't be like me. Say the truer things, take the risk of looking like you might need someone or that you might miss someone. Because you will otherwise be...a very very awkward turtle.