Sunday, April 24, 2016


Well, this is the prompt to end all prompts. What do I miss?
It's probably the one with the most obvious answer, but I want to elaborate.
I miss New Mexico. I know, I'm obsessed.
But that's what it's like when it's love, you know?
That's what it's like when you move over a thousand miles from where you've ever lived before, and you find out that that was where your heart was in the first place.

It might sound kinda ridiculous, or overdramatic, but I dream of the mountains I came to know by their faces. I crave that feeling I so often describe to people of the sun sitting just over your shoulder. Of all that unabashed sunshine.  Of the blazing sunsets and bright blue skies and vibrant red earth. Of that openness, and that invitation it always extends to me to run until I can't stop and sit at the top of a canyon and listen for the whispers from the other side of the mesa.

For green chile and white sands and fresh honey drizzled on warm sopaipillas.

For a slower life and a smaller town.

For the incredibly rich surroundings, so that every weekend or even at the end of a day, you can go to a canyon and watch the sun set.

I want every bit of that. I loved every minute of that.

It has been six years, and I've gotten so much out of being back in Chicago- from Chicagoist itself to a wonderful boyfriend I love and more employment opportunities...but I ...I can't shake it.
I want to be back there. Lucky for me, the boyfriend is also a fan of the Southwest, so there's a sweet someday that we might be able to make a life there.

I love Chicago. I love that my friends and family are out here (though less so now than when I got back).  I *really* love Chicago. I very much love the opportunities Chicagoist gave me. But that damn desert is in my heart and my lungs and my head all the time.

Sometimes I wish it wasn't that way.

When I visited in 2009 on the road trip I just wanted to stay, and there were a lot of reasons for that. When I went back in 2013, it felt like coming home. Stepping off the plane the air felt right, the town felt familiar, the burrito lady still made the hottest and best burritos....Sofia's still served the best and hottest in Socorro. The Cap was still the town center....

I could still get a green chile burger anywhere. Kija and I could play around on Nob Hill.
Water Canyon was still amazing for camping, and waking up in those mountains? Being in a cave at the Box at 10 am? It felt exhilirating. I felt alive. Exploring the Quebradas, White Sands, pistachio farms and everything else...just felt like the life I wanted.

I want to take the high road to Taos. I want to go back to the pueblos and parks and plazas.

So so much.

So...what do I miss? I miss that.
I feel like I need it and I always will.  Luckily, the people closest to me? Seem to get it.

I'm gonna have some mountain dreams. Good night, Facebookland.

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